I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
