woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
