You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
