You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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