The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
