i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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