I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
