if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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