I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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