yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
