he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
