Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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