BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
