like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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