I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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