Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
