Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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