so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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