Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
