All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
