I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
