super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
