I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
