I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
