The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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