To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He did a backflip because drugs
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