hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
