Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
