Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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