so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
