so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
