WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
