is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
