Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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