I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
