I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
