He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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