WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
