watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
