she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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