i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
