i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
