she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
