So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
