So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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