people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
