i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
