i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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