I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
