Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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