Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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