Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
