Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
