why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
