My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
